First Year in the Hostel...

First of all, a big Thank You to Shikha Khanduri for instigating some very old memories and inspiring me enough to write a post that is about to follow.

For most of us, it was the first time away from home: from family, parents, siblings, close school friends etc. A new life that we were to start, we never thought what would lie ahead of us. Our parents telling us very specifically to make good friends and be very careful about your things because there are a lot of thefts in hostels! This was followed by a direct statement telling us “Don’t get into wrong company” which essentially meant never hang out with people who have low marks, or who smoke and drink apart from having numerous affairs and boyfriends.
Like everyone else, I shrugged them off then. Well, little did i know that I would end up being the topic of discussion and scorn for a major part of my FYBA, in hostel being accused of theft by everyone around!

Yes! Living in a room full of 6 people and everyone stops their discussion the moment I’d enter. Let’s just say, out of home, and still felt like an outsider because no one wanted to talk to me anymore. So whether someone lost Maggi, hand soap, course books (Psychology to be more specific) or cash, I was held responsible for all of it. I was the talk of the town for the 106-girls full in the hostel. Not quite what I would have liked my first year to be in a hostel but nevertheless, some lessons are just learnt the hard way.

So, what started with this? A lot of smoking at Anna’s, behind Anna’s, hiding below Anna’s, walking on Breach Candy with a cigarette in my hand, to Kemp’s Corner and back, smoking again obviously. Stress saw a new level altogether for me. I wasn’t stressed when my board exam results were about to come, so it was a new concept for me. Finally, I spoke to my family and my brother and his wife (also, an ex-Sophiaite) came down from New Bombay to speak to Sr. Ananda about the issue. They explained to her that I get about Rs.2000 every week as pocket money which Sr. Ananda thought was more money than any other hostelite received at that time in the hostel. Now, when i look back, my family took her word too seriously and my pocket money was slashed down to Rs.2000 per month. Sad L really!

It was evident that I was being held the target because I DID NOT LOSE ANYTHING! I never lost my maggi or soap, or books or cash. And somehow, i never left my wallet on the bed when i went to the loo. The only thing that went on in my mind was ‘if my parents have brought me up in a way where i can take care of my own things and keep my cash and other valuable locked up safe with a non-Chinese lock which is why i have never lost anything so far, why should I be held responsible for other people’s carelessness’. I understood later how lousy all others were to lose their stuff: something they had either never been taught at home or they never took it too seriously when they were being taught. Worse still, they’d been given everything on a platter and did not value money because they never earned it themselves.

I couldn’t understand what was happening and more so, why was it happening to me? Somehow, no one would trust me. No one would talk to me even though they all talked about me all day long. My respite came in the form of some seniors in the hostel and some day-scholars who knew me and trusted me enough that I couldn’t have don’t something like that. I remember crying every night while going to bed, something i did almost all through my 1^st year in the hostel. Priyanka Akhouri & Kainaz Irani among the seniors in the hostel and Niyatee Sukumaran, Umang Prasad, Chinmayi Shroff, Aanchal Tulsiani and Shweta Parekh among my day-scholar friends: they were all I had then rather than my hostel friends who should’ve been more like a family like they were with others. I too craved to go out with them, chat normally without thinking about what they were thinking or talking before I entered. I needed friends but didn’t have any then.  The trust was missing. Somehow, they all trusted each other but not me. The adversity of losing their cash and things made them gang up together very easily against me and there were constant complains to Sr. Ananda almost every alternate day.

But, something shock me one fine day when someone accused me of stealing their psychology book again right before the final exams. I lost it then completely, maybe because it was all bottled up. Rang that bell to Sr. Ananda’s room, called her out to talk about what had been happening throughout the year. Somehow, she trusted me. She never told me so, but i felt it then.

I told her, I wanted to put all my batch mates in 1 room and talk to them about it though I did not know what I would’ve spoken then. She told me to call everyone but informed me that she would be doing all the talking and not me. I was too desperate to just clear things with everyone once and for all, rather than listening to a new set of crappy-snappy statements every day. So i agreed. I went out and called them all to my room number 6. Pallavi Sharma, Mahima Shrestha, Meenakshi Rana, Rochana Pandya, Hershini Singh, Rohini Singh, and Neelam Verghese: The girls who’d constantly been complaining about me to Sr. Ananda or snapping at me at random times of the day. And then came Sr. Ananda and gently seated herself on Hershini’s bed with all of us sitting around her.

‘I want to tell you ladies a story’ is how it started and she narrated an incident that had happened when she was young. Today, I am sure all of these above ladies still remember the story of the red wallet. She ended it with, it’s not right to accuse anyone just because she hasn’t lost a thing. Co-incidences happen. You might have just realised that you’ve lost some cash when you see the other person walking in with hands full of shopping bags. It doesn’t mean they’ve stolen your cash. No one had ever seen anyone stealing anything as such. She was right. They were judging me based on what was happening with their stuff and because i did not lose anything, they had to redirect their anger at somebody and I seemed like an easy target then.

She understood what i was feeling then. She understood everything. She had been through something almost similar. And yes, she had been accused too. Let’s just say, it’s not the best feeling to have. But life goes on and we learn things on our way. I never accuse anyone of anything anymore, well, at least not of theft. I know the feeling. Wouldn’t want anyone to go through it!

After chat that night, Meenakshi apologised. So did Pallavi. Not sure who else did. It didn’t matter anymore. People trusted me now. They spoke to me now. They let me hang out with them. Eat out. Go out on weekends. And Pallavi Sharma was the one who trusted me the most out of all. She had even told others not to blatantly accuse me of theft but no one listened to her then and shunned her down. I trusted her when she showed she believed in me. It had never felt better in the hostel now. I made more friends. Nicole, Reha, Rajeshwari, Sonya, a lot of JCs too!

It’s all history now. But some events leave us dangerously shocked and perplexed. My first year was not the best year. Maybe my stars were just misplaced from where they should have been. But things happen for a reason. Experiences are left for us to remember and cherish the outcomes, which ultimately happen for your good.

These years were more precious than any others in my life. Undoubtedly, more important also because we learn to start trusting people outside our comfort zones of the school and family. We learn how to base our trust in a complete stranger and confide. We became more responsible by carrying that trust forward without bitching behind the backs. If we’ve built anything during our lives, it happened during these years in our lives. Our characters, our mentality, our personalities were formed here, during these years. It was a super fast phase that just slips right out of our fingers before we could realise what happened. But it came, and went with its hardships and love.  

I made some great friends after all the dramatic months but I still take time to trust people around, something that shook a lot in me. I never trust anyone more than I trust myself now. You could call it a good thing or a bad one: for me it’s a lesson learnt and its impact that will go nowhere at least during this lifetime.

And yes, PallaviSharma still is my best friend since then. We may not talk that often but we know and understand what we went through the most important years. We’ve shared a lot through the years. And somehow, we still remember each other every now and then.

So this was my story of the first year in a hostel. Not quite pleasant an experience but like i said, was a passing phase and therefore went by and in turn gave me Pallavi Sharma to trouble all my life!

And if you guys also have a story to tell, either in the form of blog posts, the old photographs or just about anything you remember about our three years in the hostel: feel free to put them up here.

So mail me your email id’s that I should add to the ‘administrator’ for this blog that I have started. Looking forward to re-living lots of memories and laughing out real loud at some of the most outrageous things we’ve ever done during those years!

Cheers to all the hostelites!!!